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21 January 2006 @ 01:06 pm
A question for the Broads  
I've been sort of counseling a few people through cheating episodes in their relationships, or that ended the relationship. And the most disturbing thing to me about this is the almost total placing of blame on the other woman.

I think I've managed to drill through the head of at least one of these people that, while yes, the other woman is at fault (particularly if she knew the guy was in a relationship), the majority of the blame rests with the cheater. You don't know what he's told these other women about your relationship. In one case, due to related drama, its pretty plain what he told the other woman (emotionally abused me, didn't understand me, didn't even try to save the relationship, blah, blah, blah). They aren't the ones who made the promise of a relationship to YOU. HE is. So why is it ok to place the blame on these "evil temptresses" who may not even have known you existed?

As a broad, I have found myself tarred with this brush by the significant others of guys who I did not even KNOW were in a relationship. How the fuck am I supposed to honor something I didn't know existed? But somehow it was still all my fault the guy strayed.

I can't be the only one who thinks this is a fucked up aspect of female society. This "stand by your man" bullshit that gives them free rein to be shits while the women duke it out over their unworthy asses.

Sorry, this just chaps my hide. On MIA's album she has a song about a girl who fucked her boyfriend, "You fucked my man and wrecked my home."

Not, "He fucked around on me." The entire onus is put on the other woman. Fuck, watch any of the Montel/Jerry/Sally shows out there.

A further line in the song is, "You might've had him once, but I got him all the time."

Why would you want his cheating ass all the time? Kick him to the curb, wear big stompy boots while you're doing it. GAH!

I know this is only vaguely Broad related, in that I know I've been victim of it, and I'm sure others of you have. Broads seem to be favorite targets of this.
Tamera (Tammy): strait facejavagoth on January 22nd, 2006 02:39 am (UTC)
Having been the unintentional other woman a couple times now - yeah it would be nice if people didn't assume I was a "home-wrecker". I lost a friend (granted in retrospect she wasn't much of one anyway) because I refused to help her cheat on her husband. I was married and monogamous for 11 years - I know how I'd have felt if I was cheated on so have zero desire to do that to someone else.

In one case the guy outright LIED to me. In another I just didn't think to ask and it only came out in conversation after the fact. We didn't have intercourse - which I now wonder is because he could then say to himself that he didn't really cheat because it wasn't really sex (the Clinton defense). We had a talk about it and I took some responsibility for not asking but I let him know that him not saying something put me in the position of unknowingly being the "other woman" and it was pretty clear that hadn't occured to him either. Hopefully lessons have been learned on both sides. The sad part, to me, is that he did this because he was hiding his crossdressing desire from his partner (I don't think they were married) because he didn't want her to break up with him - he'd had that happen in the past. It didn't bother me one bit if he wore a skirt and wig while we were messing around. I told him I thought it would be better to be honest and hold out for someone that would be OK with him being who he is.