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21 January 2006 @ 01:06 pm
A question for the Broads  
I've been sort of counseling a few people through cheating episodes in their relationships, or that ended the relationship. And the most disturbing thing to me about this is the almost total placing of blame on the other woman.

I think I've managed to drill through the head of at least one of these people that, while yes, the other woman is at fault (particularly if she knew the guy was in a relationship), the majority of the blame rests with the cheater. You don't know what he's told these other women about your relationship. In one case, due to related drama, its pretty plain what he told the other woman (emotionally abused me, didn't understand me, didn't even try to save the relationship, blah, blah, blah). They aren't the ones who made the promise of a relationship to YOU. HE is. So why is it ok to place the blame on these "evil temptresses" who may not even have known you existed?

As a broad, I have found myself tarred with this brush by the significant others of guys who I did not even KNOW were in a relationship. How the fuck am I supposed to honor something I didn't know existed? But somehow it was still all my fault the guy strayed.

I can't be the only one who thinks this is a fucked up aspect of female society. This "stand by your man" bullshit that gives them free rein to be shits while the women duke it out over their unworthy asses.

Sorry, this just chaps my hide. On MIA's album she has a song about a girl who fucked her boyfriend, "You fucked my man and wrecked my home."

Not, "He fucked around on me." The entire onus is put on the other woman. Fuck, watch any of the Montel/Jerry/Sally shows out there.

A further line in the song is, "You might've had him once, but I got him all the time."

Why would you want his cheating ass all the time? Kick him to the curb, wear big stompy boots while you're doing it. GAH!

I know this is only vaguely Broad related, in that I know I've been victim of it, and I'm sure others of you have. Broads seem to be favorite targets of this.
raising_caineraising_caine on January 21st, 2006 10:21 pm (UTC)
"the most disturbing thing to me about this is the almost total placing of blame on the other woman."

It's damn near 'etched in stone' tradition to dump on the women involved in a cheating scenario. A couple of years ago, I stumbled on a message board for 'other women'. After spending an evening scraping my jaw off the ground, I did a lot of thinking.

My take: the wife/wives are often in a position of not wanting to face the truth, so the mental missiles are aimed at the 'other woman.' Much like a parent who refuses to face the fact their kid isn't a good kid, i.e., he/she fell in with the wrong crowd. The picket fence and the fairy tale are at stake, so you have to target an outside evil.

Having been married for 27 years myself, I know it can be difficult to face potential problems head on. However, if all parties concerned let the relationship slide, and gloss over things, there shouldn't be any surprises when a new relationship looks better than repairing the old fixer upper.

The 'other woman' tends to aim the missiles at the wife. She's a bitch, she doesn't understand him, she doesn't take care of him, etc. The man is usually the desire object, so he ends up being the one 'untouchable' in the verbal poison wars.

I agree with you that it is one very fucked up perspective. Outside of placing 99.9% of the population in the shop for a complete rewire, I don't see it changing. It's a pity too, as I've been tarred with the brush myself, even when wives are *in* the room - oh he likes *you*. Well, sorry about that - I can't change who I am. The fact that I'm not looking at their man with anything resembling lust never matters at all.
Wicked Bitch of the Westsirriamnis on January 21st, 2006 11:39 pm (UTC)
I just keep thinking that if I do some re-wiring one person at a time, then they can go out and re-wire and maybe common sense will become viral.

Ok, its a beautiful, if futile dream.
raising_caine: Dame Spikeraising_caine on January 22nd, 2006 12:18 am (UTC)
"maybe common sense will become viral."

That's a dream worth having and holding. 'World Common Sense'. I can imagine it.