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21 January 2006 @ 01:06 pm
A question for the Broads  
I've been sort of counseling a few people through cheating episodes in their relationships, or that ended the relationship. And the most disturbing thing to me about this is the almost total placing of blame on the other woman.

I think I've managed to drill through the head of at least one of these people that, while yes, the other woman is at fault (particularly if she knew the guy was in a relationship), the majority of the blame rests with the cheater. You don't know what he's told these other women about your relationship. In one case, due to related drama, its pretty plain what he told the other woman (emotionally abused me, didn't understand me, didn't even try to save the relationship, blah, blah, blah). They aren't the ones who made the promise of a relationship to YOU. HE is. So why is it ok to place the blame on these "evil temptresses" who may not even have known you existed?

As a broad, I have found myself tarred with this brush by the significant others of guys who I did not even KNOW were in a relationship. How the fuck am I supposed to honor something I didn't know existed? But somehow it was still all my fault the guy strayed.

I can't be the only one who thinks this is a fucked up aspect of female society. This "stand by your man" bullshit that gives them free rein to be shits while the women duke it out over their unworthy asses.

Sorry, this just chaps my hide. On MIA's album she has a song about a girl who fucked her boyfriend, "You fucked my man and wrecked my home."

Not, "He fucked around on me." The entire onus is put on the other woman. Fuck, watch any of the Montel/Jerry/Sally shows out there.

A further line in the song is, "You might've had him once, but I got him all the time."

Why would you want his cheating ass all the time? Kick him to the curb, wear big stompy boots while you're doing it. GAH!

I know this is only vaguely Broad related, in that I know I've been victim of it, and I'm sure others of you have. Broads seem to be favorite targets of this.
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on January 5th, 2008 06:49 pm (UTC)
Thanks for writing this
I recently let myself become involved with a separated guy (I know, very stupid thing to do, I'd made an exception in this case). Before anything got physical, I told him I didn't want to get in the middle of anything or be part of deceiving anyone for Golden Rule/Karma reasons. He reassured me that it wasn't an issue in this case. Which I stupidly took to mean they had an agreement to see other people. Well, eventually, things added up to she had no clue he was seeing other people. So I ended it (telling him off in the process). He had no problem lying to me about this.

While I'm not excusing my own responsibility in dating a separated man, what's to stop guys from lying about being single? There are certain red flags to watch out for (do you go to his place too, does he give you his home/work nos., introduce you to friends & family). But there are a lot of ways people can worm their way around this stuff. At this point, I'm putting my dating life on hold because I don't trust my own judgment. And the guilt & remorse I feel over this is so enormous & intense I feel like I don't deserve love after what I've done.
Wicked Bitch of the Westsirriamnis on January 6th, 2008 03:16 am (UTC)
Re: Thanks for writing this
Trust me. There's a reason I've written about people who manage to cheat in open relationships, because someone I trusted to not lie to me did just that, and when his wife found out she and I wound up going around and around after it.

Yes, I should have known better than to take anyone's word that it was ok to sleep with them, even though they were already sleeping with other people. I should have talked to her. But A. I didn't believe that someone who was my friend to begin with would do something like that to me, and he played off of something she herself had said to me about not wanting to know what he was up to with his other women.

I know your pain well.
(Anonymous) on January 9th, 2008 03:18 am (UTC)
Re: Thanks for writing this
Thanks again, knowing other women have gone through this is a source of support.